You are one of those people who, if you could, would divide themselves in thousands of entities…

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When I was a child,  I spent weekends in one house and week days in another.  My parents are not divorced, but both, my mom and my dad had jobs in another city.  I was therefore raised by my grandma, my granddad, two of my aunts and my one uncle five days out of the week.  It was a full house in the country with a quite communal feel to it.  Despite being under five at the time, I have very vivid memories of those days.
I tend to digress, and so I was going to elaborate about the chickens, the cow and the sheep, the various fruit trees and vegetables growing in my grandma’s garden, and the many ways I found to amuse myself, but I think that is beyond the point.
When I was five, I moved countries, because of oh you know, circumstances such as a civil war.  Then, a few days after I turned eight, I moved countries again.  From there on, I moved provinces, cities, houses, and well, countries again!
Today, decades and three languages later, I feel like what one would call ‘citizen of the world.‘  My roots are spread here and there, and I took with me a part of all the places where I’ve been to and lived in.  My stay in England is going to end eventually, and I realize that, thanks to all the people I met, routines I have developed, places I’ve seen, the day I leave London, I will feel like I left a bit of me here.  Isn’t that what the sense of home is?  In a figurative manner, a big chunk of my heart is where my family and friends are, another is where my childhood memories are, and others are all the places where I’ve made new memories that my sentimental mind will think of with fond nostalgia.
I no longer feel guilty about being scattered or ‘all-over-the-place’ and that lack of guilt is probably what makes life seem easier.  As my dad once put it :  ‘You are one of those people who, if you could, would divide themselves in thousands of entities and be everywhere at the same time.‘ That was his parental criticism, but he was entirely right, and so I didn’t know how to contest, I just smiled in agreement.  Is that really so wrong?  Being older and somewhat wiser than I was even just a year ago, I say no, but I can only speak for myself in this case.  We all have different neurosis preventing us from sleeping at night, or triggering heart attack-like feelings during day time. The trick is in finding peace of mind with decisions made, or uncontrollable circumstances.   There is peace in lack of direction, as it takes you to the realization that you can go where you want to go, and live this life exactly how your mind pleases in a given moment.  And that is exactly what life is: a series of moments!  So as long as you are alive, you have power to change, to grow, to be!  There is no linear progress that needs to take place, and there is no regression, only moments, all different from one another, all turning you into a different individual from the one you were yesterday.   Whoever objects to you willingly accepting the uncertainty in your life, will eventually get over it.  Whoever fears for you, let them, but don’t make their fears yours.  There are millions of people who view life with the same type of philosophy you view it, and so go out and meet them, and submerge yourself in their energy.

 

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