Almost a year ago, I took a year off from my permanent and well-paid office position and moved to London. People often asked what prompted my move: nothing but the desire for novelty. I was able to move because of a friend’s mother kindness: she gave me accommodation and she gave me a job in a pub. I’ve often made jokes that never working in a pub was one of my biggest career regrets that I came here to fulfil.
Well now a year later (it’s crazy how quickly that came!), I no longer work in a pub, and I no longer am on a sabbatical leave from a permanent and stable position. See, today, is the day I officially resigned from the latter. The weeks prior to me typing up the resignation letter were filled with uncertain feelings of anxiety. Thoughts such as “You have a student loan…AND credit card debt!” “You also have nothing to go back to once your visa expires!” “You’re a little bit older now! ” rehearsed in my head. I don’t know if I’m making a “wise” decision, but I know that I’m making the decision that is right now right for me. And so today, I typed up that formal resignation letter, and stopped beating around the bush, I titled it “resignation letter” and sent it to my Director. Relief ensued.
And now that that job is a memory that I will never relive, I am looking back on those times and am charmed by the nostalgia. I am charmed at the memory of grey cubicles in a grey building in a structured town, the same coffee shop I used to frequent every single day, the yoga classes I’d run to most days after work, the tex-mex bar where my friends and I would meet every single Wednesday for cheap food and beer…All those little things that I took for granted, that I perceived through Sisyphus eyes, I now suddenly see as wonderful times. And holding onto the idea that you will never relive what you are living now, and today, I am now trying to seize in as much as I can everything that it is I feel and do right now.
Realising that this spectrum of emotions we get to feel is such a privilege (be they deemed as positive or negative by our standards) comes naturally, but embodying that belief takes perseverant practise.