The Anti-Body Declaration

Yesterday I paid a visit to my previous workplace, same organization, different office location.

As I arrived there happy to see some people again, a former co-worker greeted me with the following reaction:  You’ve gained weight!”.  “Excuse me!?”, I asked in disbelief, inflicting myself the pain to hear once more, the catchy phrase: “Yes, you’ve gained weight!” I had no clue what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I laughed, from obvious discomfort.
Yes, alright, I have gained some weight…in fact I have gained between 10 and 15 pounds(of what I’m positive is pure fat) since last May, but people have been telling me it’s barely noticeable, and so I believed.  I also thought that I hid it well with oversized shirts, rather than skin-tight clothes.
I mean, realistically speaking, I am not a weight-obsessed person (anymore), nor do I have the body dysmorphic disorder, and yes okay, although my habits have been less healthy than before, I don’t think I’m exactly that shockingly overweight.  Quite frankly, I have bigger worries than numbers on a scale
but okay
Sure I sometimes catch myself in the mirror while looking down with a double chin, and yes my stomach has this one obscene looking roll, and okay I feel better when I workout and eat better, even if I’m not really that much thinner, everything is firmer and muscle weight replaces the fat weight, but still, realistically speaking I’m a healthy weight.  So why is this woman reacting as if I went from a size 0 to a size 20?  And more importantly, why does she ‘care?’
“It’s okay, it’s winter”, She proceeded to tell me.  I wanted to shout at her “STOP IT!” along with “No it’s not just winter, it’s what I will look like in permanence!”  But I didn’t, she will just have to find out herself the next time she runs into me.
Maybe I am kidding myself when I think the following, but I do think it:  Ever since the day I turned 25 (well okay not the exact day, because there’s a well kept secret that at your birth day you defy the laws of science), my metabolism shifted to slow-mode.  It did! I can almost convincingly prove it!  Sure, I am admitting my eating habits/workout habits are sort of irregular nowadays, but I went through phases like that before too…and I maintained my weight.  In fact, shocking secret is:  Up until the horrid day when I turned 25, I was able to lose weight easily, with very little effort, and with only regular exercise. But as I did not care for weight loss, as long as I felt healthy, I was able to eat what I wanted to eat(I still mostly chose conscious food items), exercise regularly and maintain the weight.
I had a well-appreciated metabolism allowing me to eat (and drink) like one of those bbw that I once came upon on youtube without looking like one.  My body is mocking me, now it’s only a matter of time until I resort to making those youtube videos myself, apparently!  For god’s sake I even put cinamon in my coffee that I drink without sugar and with soy milk. I drink like…ten cups of green tea a day, I fidget and am an insomniac…everything else is on fast-mode, and somehow my metabolism isn’t?!  I call bullshit.
I am wondering…maybe it’s worrisome, I never used to gain weight in my stomach and here I am with a soft
beer belly, needing to be tucked in soccer mom jeans.
Oh god.  Here it comes. The googling of symptoms for Diabetes Type 2…
I did start liking and drinking red wine somehow suddenly ever since I turned 25…so maybe I have a red-wine-belly…Ah, yes…I don’t care about weight.

After that intervention, I walked back to my office and had a well deserved emotional eating session at my desk.
Photo by (Gerry Balding)

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